Shame VS Guilt



What is shame? What is guilt? Are these words synonymous? For a long time, I thought they were. I would interchange the terms in my everyday conversations.

Turns out they don't mean the same thing.


If we take a look at the dictionary. We can find that:

Shame is a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety.

and

Guilt a feeling of deserving blame for offences.

What does this mean?

Shame happens when you feel the need to hide from others. Most of the time, you can't forgive yourself. You may also feel the need to find a community that doesn't know your past. You probably want to keep up appearances. 

Guilt is a personal phenomenon. You understand that what you did was bad. However, you can still fix it. In order to stop feeling guilty, you need to face your problems. 

In shorter terms,

Shame: "I am bad."

Guilt: "What I did was bad."

If you hurt someone's heart, you are attacking them through shame. And, I think that is the worst.

Is it okay to start anew where nobody knows you? Yes, it is. I've done that myself. During a manic episode, I did some pretty strange things at my previous University. I decided I wanted to go somewhere where no one knew my past because I couldn't get over what I did.

I couldn't own up to it. It's sad because I was studying at a University and a program that I absolutely loved. I'm almost finished my degree at the College I'm currently attending. I've forgiven myself. I no longer feel guilt and I know that, when the chance arises, I will go back and pursue my dreams.

Everyone makes mistakes. They are at times intentional and at other times unintentional. Whatever they may be, you have the power to let go of guilt. 

How can you let go guilt?

1. Forgive yourself.
2. Apologize to those you hurt.

If you've hurt someone and apologize they will either:

A. Thank you and forgive you.
B. Ignore you.

You don't need anyone in your life who chooses to be indifferent to you. It's cliché but they don't know what they are missing.

Don't let shame stop you from living your life. 

Shame and guilt are two different things. It's up to you to choose what to make of them.


References
Haines, W. Reading life through the Principle: Healing relationships. 



3 comments

  1. Hi Catherine! I found you on Twitter today and wanted to stop by and give your blog some love. I never really thought about the difference between shame and guilt so this was an interesting post to read. It was also an eye opener for looking at things I'm embarrassed about in my past as well. I felt shame and embarrassed so much that I started to put myself into places where nobody knew what happened and I was scared to open about it on my blog. I felt sick and worried that somebody would make me feel lousy for this mistake. But, the shame sort of shifted to feeling guilty and instead of hiding it, I apologized and, forgave those in that situation, and forgave myself. It felt great and doesn't hold me back anymore. Thanks for sharing! I look forward to learning more about you and your thoughts here on your blog! (: Have a great day!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I’m so glad you could get something from it! Letting go of shame is definitely hard, but like you said liberating. Thank you for the love!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey Catherine!!
    I really enjoyed reading your post!! It's very inspiring!! :) Thanks for sharing!!
    http://personalgrowthsuccessblog.com/2018/05/05/life-goes-by-so-fast-dont-waste-too-much-time-being-offended

    ReplyDelete